Hoping For A Brighter 2003

Edmonton - Wednesday, January 8, 2003 - by: Ron Thornton


What a wonderful world we live in. Too bad we have to share it with such morons. Exhibit "A" comes to us in the form of a cult that claims to be of some other planet that declares to have brought into our own, and even our own nation, cloned babies. Taking a look at what these people have to work with, I think we can rule out that they are trying to manufacture a master race. I would hope their aim is not to provide spare parts for the original donators of the DNA, for it would truly put new meaning into the phrase "an heir and a spare." Little brother or sister would simply be the sum of their replicated parts, keeping them warm until such time their "creator" needed a new kidney. Then there are those who hope to gain a copy of their dead child. How pathetic. As the father of identical twins, I can assure you that the loss of one of my sons, with his unique personality and his unique way of doing and saying things, would not be eased by simply gazing upon my surviving child. My sons are unique, so running their DNA through the womb of a biodeplorable copier will not return to me the son I lost. If my thinking was shallow enough to think it could, then what I loved was not my child, who can't be recreated, but the carrying case he came in.




Exhibit "B" comes to us thanks to Ontario Court Justice Douglas Phillips, who last Thursday ruled that it was no longer against the law for a sixteen-year old boy to carry around a small amount of pot. Sparking this startling example of jurisprudence was an Ontario Appeals Court ruling two years ago that said the law violated the rights of the sick, in this case an epileptic who used marijuana for medical reasons. That court could have ruled with the wisdom of Solomon, possibly rendering a suspended sentence for a law clearly violated but one transgressed due to plainly mitigating circumstances. Instead, it went with the obliviousness of Simple Simon and tossed the entire law into the trash. Justice Phillips somehow saw a link between that case and the one that was before his court last week, yet I do not believe the 16-year old in question was suffering from anything more serious than a possible case of acne. The most touted argument we hear for legalizing pot is that we have more social problems due to alcohol than we do with cannabis. This is true, but probably for the same reason we are not inundated by people parading naked down our streets, going to the bathroom on our front lawns, or walking down the aisle with 10-year olds. Such acts are illegal and subject to sanction, making such incidents much less likely to occur than if they were legalized. Then again, this may no longer be the case in Ontario in regards to pot, where it appears its society is about to perform this stunt without the benefit of any kind of safety net; social, legal, or otherwise.



what are

Exhibit "C" comes to us via our Canadian Supreme Court, as it has decreed that the book "My Two Dads" is a must for a British Columbia school system. It would seem we live in a time where tolerance has been redefined to now having us all embrace to our bosom the notion that two dads or two moms as an equal, if not desirable, alternative to having a loving mother and father living under the same roof. What happened to the idea of elected representatives making such decisions, and being held responsible for them, rather than these unaccountable handpicked robed minions of Prime Ministers present and past? I personally look forward to more such edicts so that our children might be enlightened by "My Dad the Pothead, My Mom the Drunk" or "Are you my Daddy?" or "My Parents Are Self Absorbed Idiots" My own children no doubt will feel somewhat ostracized until they become empowered through the words of "Our Fat, Bald, Bespectacled, Smoking Dad Is Still Loved By Our Mom." Isn't progress grand?



new meaning
of genius

Exhibit "D" comes to us through the words of Canadian Environment Minister David Anderson, who claims our Prime Minister is a genius because he pushed for passage of the Kyoto Accord based on his "gut feelings." Forget the fact Jean Chretien seems to have little knowledge as to the details of the pact or its consequences, as Anderson seems to have done. Of course, genius is usually associated with brain, not fecal, matter so it has taken me some time to get used to the new definition. Then again, the last time I had the stomach flu, my genius in going with my gut feelings kept me from embarrassing myself.




Exhibit "E" comes to us through the polls that claim a majority of Canadians, especially those lost souls East of the Lake of the Woods, would still vote for the Liberals again. Out West, we've come to the conclusion that even if the Leader of the Official Opposition ran around wearing only a diaper, carrying a clucking chicken, all the while baying at the moon, he would still be on par with what we've got sitting in government today. However, if the status quo is what the rest of Canada wants to perpetuate, and nothing we can say will change their minds, then more Liberal clones is exactly what those good people should have. We in the western colonies, on the other hand, would just as soon disassociate ourselves from the asylum.




Still, as we continue our adventure through a new year, let us hope that new science does some real good for humanity, rather than being turned into some weird adaptation of the "Invasion of the Body Snatchers." Let us hope that the rule of law becomes applied with some measure of control and responsibility, rather than to irresponsibly risk chaos. Let us hope that social change takes place with tolerance for both permissive as well as traditional viewpoints, rather than to allow it to be ramrodded down our collective throats like a crazed plumber in the privy. Let us hope that government policy is vetted by something more than an Ouija Board and some chicken bones. Let us hope that the people of this nation of all political stripes take the time to elect those who truly represent them, rather than blindly heading to the polls like zombies willing to act upon whatever propaganda they have been sopping up in place of real knowledge.




May 2003 again renew our hope that we might eventually find ourselves living in a brighter place with brighter people.


Ron Thornton




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