 |
|||||||
For The Liberals And Paul Martin, I Give Thanks |
|||||||
| Edmonton - Monday, December 5, 2005 - by: Ron Thornton Marriage, Be It Same Sex, Same Family, Same Harem | |||||||
| With the dawn of a new election campaign coinciding with our preparations for the upcoming holiday season, I think it appropriate to give thanks to those that make me proud to be Canadian. I am thankful for Prime Minister Paul Martin, who decided against a proposal to put the campaign off to the New Year. If he had not done so, he would not have had the opportunity to remind us that Christmas is the traditional holiday that nears, not some generic pagan winter festival. May he remember this in Decembers to come. I am thankful for the $2,000,000,000 that has been spent on the gun registry. If this has saved just one life, I am sure it was well worth it. I mean, we could have wasted that kind of cash on a Virginia Class nuclear attack submarine, with enough change left over to buy 40 UH-60 Blackhawk helicopters for our military. Then again, we could have taken 4 million handguns off the streets by simply offering their owners an average of $500 for each weapon. I am thankful the Liberals have kept the Sea King helicopter in the air, or at least for trying to keep them up there. It is always nice to ride in a classic, though there can be a downside. For example, your 1963 Corvette usually does not plummet thousands of feet when it gives up the ghost, and turns you into one. I am thankful that Prime Minister Martin's boys can still run his old Canadian Steamship Lines while waving flags of convenience overhead to avoid all those nasty regulations and taxes they would be faced with if they were registered in Canada. I am hopeful that my PM might eventually let me drive my car with a licence plate of convenience, say Germany's, so that I may treat every Canadian highway as my own personal autobahn. I am thankful for the Liberals showing me what true democracy is. Imagine entrusting the unwashed rubes who have yet to make their first million to make the right choice. Thankfully, the millionaires who run things are able to parachute officially unchallenged "star" candidates like new lords of the manor into the constituencies to gladly accept our support, our votes, and our undying fealty. If it was good enough in the 19th century, truly it should be good enough today. I am thankful for the Liberals for showing Canadians, including our impressionable youth, how business is done in this fine nation of ours. Once one unshackles themselves from the chains of ethical behavior and public trust, it is amazing what one is able to accomplish in the name of national unity or simply to line one's own pockets. Now, if they would only change the laws so the rest of us don't end up in the slammer for following their enlightened examples. I am thankful the Liberals have shown me that people no longer have to be content with someone of the opposite sex in order to be married. Just as I'm sure that soon we will no longer force people to be content with just one spouse at a time, I am looking forward to the day that I am a duck. Of course, by current definition I am not a duck, but I am confident that a re-elected Liberal government will redefine this term to be more inclusive. To deny me this only makes you either a duckophobe or a bigot. I am thankful the Liberals have shown me that a decent man of principle, like Stephen Harper, is so dangerous. I mean, this is a guy who was born and raised in Toronto, and was even a member of his high school's Young Liberal Club. I mean, that alone makes me nervous. It is so unfortunate for them that he and his father worked for Imperial Oil when the Liberals purposely raped the oil industry in my province in order to keep Alberta in its place. Who could know he would react with the jettison of his Liberal roots in outrage. I am thankful for having been born Canadian and for living in a region of that country that still represents, for the most part, the best of what this nation once represented. We shall try to salvage what we can here in the west. It is up to the rest of Canada to decide if what they have is worth the effort. |
|||||||
|
|
|||||||
|
|
|||||||
|
|
|||||||