Mojo Ramblin'

"Mojo" Ramblin': Dreams and Nightmares

Chapter 2

BikerWorld © Mike Townsend 1999

Tim:

The chattering in the dead of night; yes the "Mojo" has once again destroyed another attempt at rest. But this time what issued from that vile machine would erase any thought of returning to sleep. An attempt to recreate my world represented by the image above has proven no match for that of Gerry whose message from the "Free Fire Zone" of western Canada brings a certain clarity to the muddied waters my mind.

So I give you FROM: THE EASTERN FRONT OF THE WEST.

DATELINE: 02-25-01

FROM: THE EASTERN FRONT OF THE WEST

FILE: 1-1-26/GWW

My Dear Mick:

Greetings

As far as I can tell, I'm no longer being watched by the Illuminati, which is totally great news, since the last missive smuggled to you showed excessive lengths of paranoia. But, you can never be too careful. I could go on.

I see from watching the satellites that you are still enjoying an excellent winter (if that's what you truly call it out there in the west of the west). We, on the other hand, are not. However, that's not my point. I am offering something completely different.

Imagine a head with a light bulb suspended above.

FLASH!

Eureka!

New theory.

It's not "Sunlight Deprivation Syndrome". Or SDS, as some may know it.

My theory is this:

"Extended Darkness Problem". Or, as I like to put it - EDP

You see, sunlight is a positive reinforcing word, and so, no one sees this as a problem, and so there is no solution required. On the other hand, darkness is a problem. And if there is one thing humans are good at, it is solving problems.

Of course, problems are not always easy to solve. However, I do have several solutions, the number one being: A PETITION!!!

YES!!!!

I can see it now - reams of paper - all neatly lined - little marks like " ". to show the next entrant headings like "Name" ..."Address".... "Town or City".... Province"... "State".... "Territory"... Protectorate"... "Hemisphere"!!!!

And of course the Petition!!!

BE IT RESOLVED THAT WE, THE UNDERSIGNED, WANT A COMPLETE BAN ON WINTER, MOSTLY BECAUSE IT CAUSES EDP (EXTENDED DARKNESS PROBLEM).

Pie in the sky?

I think not.

A second solution would be to have the most divine and infallible person on the planet intervene with whomever's in charge. WIC. YES. THE POPE!!!!

Hey.

This guy is in charge of all the Catholics in the world. Need I say more?

Necessarily, we'll have to make sure that all the rest of the world's religious leaders get at least a copy of the petition to present to their various deities. How hard could this be? Edison said, "The roots to solutions lie in the problem's simplicity".

Second solution.

Media "Blitz"

Ah, leave it to the square heads to come up with a word "blitz", to describe what could be "the ultimate solution". Their music sucks, their taste in clothes is less than esthetic, their opera is sophomoric, and their wines can't match those of Australia. (Interesting how Austria and Australia are so close.) Their architecture is so Machiavellian and they don't speak English!!

However I'm rambling...

If the media were to blitz, It's possible that the entire planet could get involved, I mean, given the entire Internet thing.

Satellite, TV, radio short wave, long wave, intermediate wave... Jesus!

The media covers EVERYTHING!

Last I heard there are in the order of a billion and a half Internet people. I realize they don't have a life, but, Christ man, what ELSE are they doing with their time? I mean, get it together in the name of abolishing Winter!

Oh sure there are those that snowmobile; skateboard; ski; toboggan; skaters and we all know who the skaters are; curlers; and even those that build snow sculptures. God!

Are these people not aware that EDP can seriously warp their very psyches?

This is why we need some kind of action now!!!

I'm sure you agree.

If of course, you have some thoughts of alternative action, I would seriously look at them. And, with consultation, I might even incorporate them into my next statement to the press.

I have discovered that it is illegal to pray in school. Hey man, did that ever surprise me! I mean, every exam I ever wrote began with "Please, God...". Although I could go on... I won't.

There are many other issues before us, excluding Winter, and I find myself utterly flabbergasted that I keep having to rewind this damn ribbon on this typewriter to make myself seen to you, that I don't know what.

Anyway.

Here is another.

Why does my provincial government send natural gas to the US for a price of $0.05 per cubic meter and then turn around and charge me $0.19 for the same damn stuff. Not only that, but they also charge me $0.19 per cubic meter to send it through the pipeline? Man, talk about double billing.

Now you begin to see Grasshopper where my purportedly right wing sympathies lie.

To explain.

Our public utility gouged an extra $700.00 per man, woman, and child in this province on the premise that, even though we paid for the delivery system out of public dollars, we are still obligated to pay for it's use.

Man, government in action. I love it.

And then there is the "Laterimer Case."

I know this man.

I met him during my travels as a "Snap-On Tool" guy. (which brought me to North Battleford in the first place.) To put an extremely long story in short form...

SEND HIM HOME!!!

Well my friend, my arms are very tired from pushing keys, so I will sign off for now. Know that I love you man, take care.

Gerry

graphic stolen (but adapted) from that great "gonzo" journalist "HST"

"Mojo" Ramblin': Dreams and Nightmares
Chapter 2

BikerWorld © Mike Townsend 1999
Tim:
The chattering in the dead of night; yes the "Mojo" has once again destroyed another attempt at rest. But this time what issued from that vile machine would erase any thought of returning to sleep. An attempt to recreate my world represented by the image above has proven no match for that of Gerry whose message from the "Free Fire Zone" of western Canada brings a certain clarity to the muddied waters my mind.

So I give you FROM: THE EASTERN FRONT OF THE WEST.

	DATELINE: 02-25-01

	FROM: THE EASTERN FRONT OF THE WEST

	FILE: 1-1-26/GWW

	My Dear Mick:

	Greetings

	As far as I can tell, I'm no longer being watched by the Illuminati, which is totally great news, since the last missive smuggled to you showed excessive lengths of paranoia. But, you can never be too careful. I could go on.

	I see from watching the satellites that you are still enjoying an excellent winter (if that's what you truly call it out there in the west of the west). We, on the other hand, are not. However, that's not my point. I am offering something completely different.

	Imagine a head with a light bulb suspended above.

	FLASH!

	Eureka!

	New theory.

	It's not "Sunlight Deprivation Syndrome". Or SDS, as some may know it.

My theory is this:
	"Extended Darkness Problem". Or, as I like to put it - EDP

	You see, sunlight is a positive reinforcing word, and so, no one sees this as a problem, and so there is no solution required. On the other hand, darkness is a problem. And if there is one thing humans are good at, it is solving problems.

	Of course, problems are not always easy to solve. However, I do have several solutions, the number one being: A PETITION!!!

	YES!!!!

	I can see it now - reams of paper - all neatly lined - little marks like " ". to show the next entrant headings like "Name" ..."Address".... "Town or City".... Province"... "State".... "Territory"... Protectorate"... "Hemisphere"!!!!

	And of course the Petition!!!

	BE IT RESOLVED THAT WE, THE UNDERSIGNED, WANT A COMPLETE BAN ON WINTER, MOSTLY BECAUSE IT CAUSES EDP (EXTENDED DARKNESS PROBLEM).

	Pie in the sky?

	I think not.

	A second solution would be to have the most divine and infallible person on the planet intervene with whomever's in charge. WIC. YES. THE POPE!!!!

	Hey.

	This guy is in charge of all the Catholics in the world. Need I say more?

	Necessarily, we'll have to make sure that all the rest of the world's religious leaders get at least a copy of the petition to present to their various deities. How hard could this be? Edison said, "The roots to solutions lie in the problem's simplicity".

Second solution.
	Media "Blitz"

	Ah, leave it to the square heads to come up with a word "blitz", to describe what could be "the ultimate solution". Their music sucks, their taste in clothes is less than esthetic, their opera is sophomoric, and their wines can't match those of Australia. (Interesting how Austria and Australia are so close.) Their architecture is so Machiavellian and they don't speak English!!

	However I'm rambling...

	If the media were to blitz, It's possible that the entire planet could get involved, I mean, given the entire Internet thing.

	Satellite, TV, radio short wave, long wave, intermediate wave... Jesus!

	The media covers EVERYTHING!

	Last I heard there are in the order of a billion and a half Internet people. I realize they don't have a life, but, Christ man, what ELSE are they doing with their time? I mean, get it together in the name of abolishing Winter!

	Oh sure there are those that snowmobile; skateboard; ski; toboggan; skaters and we all know who the skaters are; curlers; and even those that build snow sculptures. God!

	Are these people not aware that EDP can seriously warp their very psyches?

	This is why we need some kind of action now!!!

	I'm sure you agree.

	If of course, you have some thoughts of alternative action, I would seriously look at them. And, with consultation, I might even incorporate them into my next statement to the press.

	I have discovered that it is illegal to pray in school. Hey man, did that ever surprise me! I mean, every exam I ever wrote began with "Please, God...". Although I could go on... I won't.

	There are many other issues before us, excluding Winter, and I find myself utterly flabbergasted that I keep having to rewind this damn ribbon on this typewriter to make myself seen to you, that I don't know what.

	Anyway.

Here is another.
	Why does my provincial government send natural gas to the US for a price of $0.05 per cubic meter and then turn around and charge me $0.19 for the same damn stuff. Not only that, but they also charge me $0.19 per cubic meter to send it through the pipeline? Man, talk about double billing.

	Now you begin to see Grasshopper where my purportedly right wing sympathies lie.

	To explain.

	Our public utility gouged an extra $700.00 per man, woman, and child in this province on the premise that, even though we paid for the delivery system out of public dollars, we are still obligated to pay for it's use.

	Man, government in action. I love it.

And then there is the "Laterimer Case."
	I know this man.

	I met him during my travels as a "Snap-On Tool" guy. (which brought me to North Battleford in the first place.) To put an extremely long story in short form...

	SEND HIM HOME!!!

	Well my friend, my arms are very tired from pushing keys, so I will sign off for now. Know that I love you man, take care.

	Gerry


graphic stolen (but adapted) from that great "gonzo" journalist "HST"