Alternate Universe News

Public service announcement!

Today in the Alternate Universe the news has hit the streets, we live in a Universe with the highest crime rate compared to all other Universes.

Ever since the aliens have arrived in our Universe and taken over the brains of our politicians and the individuals in charge of various governmental and police organizations we have been hearing that everything is A-Okay!

This article is written specifically to those citizens of the Alternate Universe that have not had the alien brain implants installed!

The highest crime rate in comparison to all other universes is a bad thing!

Only the Aliens think that this is a good thing!!!!!

Also remember that when it comes to record food bank and mission usage, while it is good that these services exist: it is bad that we need them!!!

In addition, the longest waiting lists for healthcare in the history of waiting lists for health care, is also a bad thing!!

Important note, please pay attention to the things that those infested with alien implants do not talk about, they are in fact the worst things of all!!

It is extremely important to note that no reasonable thinking human being could put a positive spin on; The most crime infested Universe of them all, or deny that the other problems in our Universe, are even problems at all!!

If you hear statements from anyone, such as:

The reason that we have the highest crime rating is we report more crime and that means we are doing a great job!

High infant mortality rates are caused by people who live in the north and the difficulty in providing services in the north!!

Waiting lists for health care are not the fault of our Universal government!!

You are talking to a politician or bureaucrat that has had an alien implant installed in their brain.

For those of you that do not have alien brain implants; if you are starting to believe these statements, please rush to your local psychiatrist and get some help!

Also, it helps to remember, that not only is crime bad, but having the highest crime rate is even worse.

Every Universe has a north and we are the worst at looking after the health needs of those who choose to have children while living in the north.

Our health care system is run by the government:..not some magical ferry that lives in the Ottowa Universe! All Universes deal with the Ottowa Universe we are still the worst!!

If you know of any other instances where aliens have taken over the brains of politicians please report these instances to the
Alternate Universe News C/O of Timothy Shire.

Do not tell the government that you are aware of these instances as they will attempt to give you an alien implant and have you join the darkside!!

Remember bad is bad, not good, as the aliens want you to believe!

Harry Kyelman

Alternate Universe News is the work of Carey Heilman